Its Official. I am a Sinner. This image of the Madonna gives me a boner. That confirms it. Why should an image of the Mother of God give any right-minded male a boner?
This is just ridiculous.
Is it the frank, direct, open stare? This Lady is not demure.
Is it the alluring eyes?
Is it the red lips with the hint of a smile?
Is it the hint of a tongue between the smiling lips?
Is it the rouge on her cheeks?
Is it the smooth plump neck?
Is she a young single mother trying to attract me?
This boner is getting ridiculous beyond ridiculous.
Still this shouldn't happen.
I must repent.
I need purification.
I need to go on a pilgrimage.
I need to chant at least a million Hail Marys.
Or a million Takbirs.
Or a million Hare Krishnas.
Or a million Nam Myoho Rengue Kyos.
Will that be enough to purify me?
Perhaps I should smear myself in ashes, wear a sack cloth, scourge myself and crawl on my knees all the way to Poland and prostrate myself before the Madonna of Częstochowa . Dude that is a long way to go!! Isn't there one nearby, like say, Streatham? There seem to be a lot of Poles hereabouts. Don't they have one around I can pray to and ask forgiveness from?
I think there used to be one in our local Anglican Church but it got burned in a fire in the 70s. It is still on display, in all its charred glory. Can't it be restored, or a new one commissioned to replace it? Isn't there one in the Catholic Church opposite? I don't think Anglos are that hot on Black Virgins. What is it with totally charred images of the Virgin? That is carrying the notion of the Black Virgin to ridiculous lengths.
I am more of a Buddhist of than a Christian anyway. Can't I just draw an African female seated in a meditating position under a banyan tree with a black infant standing next to her, and worship that instead? That way I can still be a crypto Buddhist and indulge in my Marian proclivities.
It could be that I am in actuality a very God-fearing man, and my devotion to God means only the Mother of God can arouse me, because She if the only woman worthy of my devotions. Perhaps that is the true reason.
I think the Virgin is forgiving. She will not take offence and she will forgive my sins. Perhaps she is giving me a sign. Perhaps she is telling me I should find an attractive ebony complexioned young woman, marry her, settle down and have a few sons, one of who will look like Jesus and grow up to be a great spiritual leader. I think that is the true message.
Perhaps she is the patron saint of unmarried middle aged men. Perhaps I should make a pilgrimage to Římov and I will be absolved of all my sins. Who knows - I may meet my future wife there.